Rick Popko & Dan Wests' Monsturd!

Bra-fucking-Vo! you know what..Just go watch this,,,no no no,,,shut up and just go watch this,,,trust me.

Blood Tide

Where the hell did this come from. James Earl Jones fights ancient sea monster??? This film had so much potential! Overall it comes out not so bad......well..its kinda bad...actually..its not that good now that i think about it.

Jean Rollin double feature: The Grapes of Death & The Living Dead Girl

I never knew Jean Rollin and J.A. Laser were the same person.

Scarce

Ok this movie may not be the most original independant film Ive seen, but I give em props for gore quality and badassery. The badassery goes out to Jesse T. Cook, John Geddes,(the directors) and Thomas Webb for having the balls to do several scenes in the dead of winter,waist deep in snow, wearing nothing but boxers and a t shirt(specially John Geddes for running down that stream barefoot).Thats just straight up hardcore. Supporting Badassery goes to Steve Warren for the pretty damn creepy character he played. Props for gore quality goes out to the Gore Brothers, Jason & Jeff Derushie, whos level of professional gore effects really brought another layer of bona fide horror to the movie. Like I said, this isnt the most original movie, but its a horror film made by horror fans that was meant to deliver some raw horror,and i think it does that for the most part. I think most gore hounds will be satisfied.

-five out of ten thingys

Subspecies

So far most the Full Moon features Ive seen have been more like serial cliffhangers(excluding the Stuart Gordon features). Subspecies was pretty decent, I enjoyed it. Radu ,played by Anders Hove, is pretty dope. Dont worry Charles Band is of course involved ,taking producer and writing credits. Ted Nicoloau directs quite well, and theres plenty of Radu's little imp thingys to go around. Im planning on checking out the next one yo.

6.5 out of ten Charles Bands

Alien Factor 2: The Alien Rampage

So i bought a copy of this for 6.99 at Lauries planet of sound soley based on what Ive heard recently about the late great Don Dohler's knack for cheesy sci-fi horror, and it definitely delivers cheesy sci-fi horror. While its not the best movie Ive ever scene it certainly packs some charmless charm, complete with bad acting, a cheesy cyborg alien suit, and a wonderful mixture of practical effects mixed with low budget CGI. Being the first film Ive seen by Mr Dohler, I must say i was told what to expect and got exactly that. I will definitely be on the lookout for his other films -Nightbeast,Galaxy Invader,Fiend,Blood Massacre, & Dead Hunt.

-RIP Don Dohler 1946-2006-

-Half a wheel of Alien cheese

The Asphyx

Ahh forgotten gems, dont you love em? After tanking in the UK then being released in the US at the same time as The Exorcist, The Asphyx never really had a chance. Thank god for the DVD format. Directed by Peter Newbrook (his only directing credit) and shot by cinematographer Freddie Young (Gorgo,Doctor Zhivago,Lawrence of arabia) This dark little film brings some really fresh ideas to screen. Sir Hugo Cunningham (played by Robert Stephens) discovers that all living things have an Asphyx which can sense when death approaches. So in order to achieve immortality Hugo creates a certain light that can capture the Asphyx thus transforming any living mortal into an immortal. The Special effects are actually quite good for the time period and the Asphyx creature is pretty creepy. No blood and gore here though, just plenty of atmosphere, classic acting, an immortal ginny pig and a nice loop around ending. Over all a pleasant surprise. Recommended for fans of Hammer and Amicus style horror.

-3 and half out of five immortal ginny pigs

Inglourious Basterds

It was Better than Death Proof and Kill Bill, and can easily go toe to toe with Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs. Dont just go see it because it's the new Tarantino film, see it because Christoph Waltz is a badass.

Laserblast

Pure ,uncut ,Sci-Fi Cheese

Dan O'Bannon's lost gem: The Resurrected

The Late Great Dan O'Bannon, director of cult zombie classic Return of the Living Dead and writer on films such as Alien, Total Recall, Screamers,Bleeders,Heavy Metal,Lifeforce,Dark Star & Dead and Buried, brings us hands down one the best film adaptations of H.P. Lovecraft to date. Chris Sarandon plays Charles Dexter Ward bringing the goods just like he did in Fright Night, while O'Bannon keeps the atmosphere brewing. This is a must see for H.P. Lovecraft enthusiasts,Dan O'Bannon fans, and zombie fiends. Oh yeah, and theres some awesome stop motion animation...enjoy!

R.I.P Dan O'Bannon

4 & 1/2 out of 5 Dan O'Bannon bow ties

Parasite

I really wish i could have seen this at a theater in 3-d. Would have been tight. Im definitely liking what I have seen so far from Charles Band. Peep the line up- Demi Moore,Robert Glaudini,Luca Bercovici and What?! oh SHit! Who Dat?! Vivian Blaine again! awww shit! dat bitch crazy! muffugah played the Psychic in The Dark muffugin directed by John "Bud" Cardos in shit. Some really good "Meant for 3-d" scenes up in dis bitch....oh and did I mention that a fucking mutant parasite blasts out the fucking elderly head of fucking Vivian Blaine courtesy of Stan Winston?!

John "Bud" Cardos Double Feature: The Dark & Kingdom Of The Spiders

Im a sucker for auteurism, and after finding out that Stuntman/Director John "Bud" Cardos (Mutant aka Night Shadows) made both these films I had to check them out. The Dark was originally helmed by Tobe Hooper,but was replaced by John "Bud" Cardos when producers felt hooper couldnt handle it. Its a spooky little film about a serial killer called "The Mangler" who turns out to be an alien zombie who can shoot lasers out of his eyes that make people explode. Sounds perfect right? Well, not exactly. The score is the shit complete with a voice that constantly whispers "the Darrrrrknessssss". The film looks awesome too. Its really dark and there are some genuinely creepy moments. The story does however drag quite a bit and the time span between attacks gets a little long. In between the killings William Devane, Vivian Blaine, Cathy Lee Crosby, and Richard Jaekel entertain us with some damn decent acting and the final showdown is pretty damn awesome in a cheesy way. Oh, and I forgot , Casey Kasem shows up for a little cameo. Overall a decent little movie with quite a bit of character. I think Cardos did well for being a last minute director. Now on to Kingdom Of The Spiders. One of the better "man against nature" type films Ive seen, Kingdom Of The Spiders stars William Shatner as Doctor Robert "Rack" Hansen, a smooth talking Cowboy. When cattle starts dying of deadly venomous bites "Rack" is on the case. Soon Tiffany Boiling shows up and they find themselves knee deep in spiders........a kingdom of spiders. Soon the whole town is under attack and Mr Shatner finds himself held up in a house night of the living dead style. Im not gonna spoil the end but I will say its my favorite part. Overall I felt this film was stronger than The Dark, But they both had alot in common, good actors, good score, and a good Director. Stay up John "Bud" Cardos. Props homie.

p.s.- Keep an eye out for Mutant aka Night Shadows , its a nice little zombie flick directed by Mr. Cardos.

The Dark- 3 out of five exploding murder victims

Kingdom Of The Spiders-4 out of 5 cowboy William Shatners

Head of The Family

Yet another film my mother would not let me rent as a child that I have found and conquered. Head of the family, put out by Full Moon and directed by Charles Band (as Robert Talbot), makes me want to check out more this production company has to offer.So far I have only seen the films full moon did with Stuart Gordon which were awesome. This is a nice little film , the acting was enjoyable. I did feel it was kind of cut of short at the end and I would liked to have seen a sequel because Lance & Myron were dope characters. Overall I liked it yo. stay up yall, peace.

3 and a half out of 5 assburgers

District 9

I'll make this quick. This film is not really a horror film, but it is pretty gruesome, definitely awesome, and just straight up badass. Director Neill Blomkamp & Producer Peter Jackson knocked my socks on my ass with this gory,gritty,sci-fi action thriller. In a world where alien refugees are stranded in Johannesburg, South Africa, moved into ghettos ruled by Nigerian ganglords who believe that ingesting the flesh of said aliens gives you power,alien weaponry makes dozens of MNU soldiers explode and the danger of ingesting an alien fuel fluid that turns you into an alien are present is a world I like. Go see it. its badass.

official Awesome Gruesome seal of approval

The Brain

So I was puffing on a hootah, and I popped in this bootleg of The Brain I picked up at Wizard and I must say it was quite delightful. The Brain is one of those big old 80's forgotten gems with a big fat slice of cheese on top. Its got David Gale(Re-animator,Syngenor),tentacle hallucinations, the punching off of a head, & a giant,growling,pulsating,growing ,man-eating,alien brain who wants to control all of humanity. What more could you want? Its Directed by Ed Hunt who apparently did a few other sci-fi/horror films I have to see now such as Alien Warrior & Bloody Birthday. I always passed this movie up in the video store as a kid and now I finally know that it delivers all the awesomeness the front and back covers promise. I would not be surprised if Anchor Bay, Blue Underground, Elite Entertainment, Synapse, Dark Sky, Something Weird Video, Troma, Retromedia & Shriek Show are fighting over the rights to this film as I type this.

solid B

*warning* a hootah my intensify the awesomeness of this film*warning*

Bruno Mattei Double Feature- Island Of The Living Dead & Zombies: The Beginning

One thing I can say about Director Bruno Mattei with absolute certainty , is that he went out with guns blazing....at a midget zombie. Mattei,well known for films such as Rats ,Zombi 3(Which he Co-Directed with Lucio Fulci), & Hell of the Living Dead, ended his long career with Island of the Living Dead and Zombies: The Beginning( which is supposedly a sequel to Hell of the Living Dead as well as a direct sequel to Island of The Living Dead). Island Of The Living Dead is a throwback to 80's Italian zombie cycles shot on video & Zombies: The Beginning is a re-telling of the film Aliens only with zombies.....literally. If both of these films would have been shot on film they would easily fit along side Mattei's earlier work in the horror genre. Although Island Of The Dead is a Shit Sandwich, I'll be damned if good ole Bruno didnt slip some love up in there. There is some great homages to Lucio Fulci & Amando De Ossario, awful acting , and a character named Snoopy who wheres a Snoopy T-shirt throughout the entire film. Island of The Living Dead plays the same role that Alien did for Aliens which is setting the stage for a superior sequel. Zombies: The Beginning works simply because Bruno Mattei had the balls to completely rip off the Aliens script as well as jack footage from Crimson Tide(unless they paid Viggo Mortenson to make a 30 second cameo) to make his submarine sequence look more convincing. ZTB is also the birthplace of that zombie midget who gets machine gunned I mentioned earlier, as well as home to naked Alien-esque mutant zombie children, a master mind talking brain & an exploding baby head. Its definitely a shit sandwich as well, but a tastier shit sandwich with more atmosphere. Bravo Bruno Mattei, Bravo.

3 & a half shit sandwich's out of 5

R.I.P. BRUNO MATTEI 1931-2007

Bad Biology

I knew that there was no way this movie could live up to the hype that its gathered, but it almost does. Frank Henenlotter (Basket Case,Frankenhooker,Brain Damage) returns to filmmaking after a 16 year hiatus, with the sexually charged Bad Biology. You see, Jennifer has herself a problem, she has six too many clits and gives birth too mutant babies an hour or so after she has intercourse. Batz has himself a problem, his dick is two feet long and can speak telepathically to him. Problems solved. Although not as dark and gritty as Brain Damage or Frankenhooker, Bad Biology has plenty of outlandish ideas and slimy offensive SFX. Four words. Stop motion mutant penis. On top of all that delight, you have R.A. the motherfucking Rugged Man Thorburn(who also makes a cameo)as producer/c0-writer and Prince Paul on soundtrack duty. Also there is a long list of cameos including J-Zone, Vinnie Paz of Jedi Mind Tricks,Reef the Lost Cauze,Beverly Bonner(as usual),Staff Sgt. John A. Thorburn(R.A.'s father) and Remedy. Although I would not say this is Henenlotter's best film, it certainly is a badass comeback and it most definitely fits right in with the rest of his work. Henenlotter still gots it! Hopefully he gots more nam sayin? So if your a fan of Frank Henenlotter's work, mutant genitalia, or any of the hip hop artists involved in this project go buy this dvd immediately! I dont think its out on dvd in the USA yet though so if you want it now you'll have buy the PAL region 2 version, and a region free dvd player like me. This is a must see!

-Four out of five mutant genitals

The Deadly Spawn

Where in the hell has this movie been all my life people? Dripping with the same low budget quirkiness of Evil Dead and Basket Case,The Deadly Spawn conjures up the spirit of 50s sci-fi drive in classics. Its a film that plays its cards right. Director Douglas Mckeown comes up with some brilliant use of light and shadow. The basic premise is that an alien eating machine falls to earth,takes refuge in a nearby basement as a storm ensues, then proceeds to pick off the inhabitants of the house while spawning little eating machines, and so on and so forth. The acting works for the film and the kid hero is pretty damn good. This movie is exactly why I love 80s horror films and other films pre CGI. Practical FX always seems to bring so much more texture and atmosphere, and they certainly do here. This is the type of movie you would expect to spark a directors horror career, but its seems Mr Mckeown has only done one other short film featuring a stop motion T-rex and a long list of plays, so I suggest that we all be grateful that the one full length film he did do kicks ass. I recommend The Deadly Spawn to fans of the Evil Dead series,Frank Henenlotter Films,the Alien movies,and the Sc-fi/Horror genre in general

Mad shout outs to: Tim Hildebrandt(executive producer), Ted E. Bohus (Producer), John Dod (SFX), Tim Sullivan (Production Assistant), and of course the Director Douglas McKoewn.

Two thumbs up!

Dr Franken

Let me start off by saying this movie is neither really gruesome nor awesome, but I feel compelled to share my viewing experience nonetheless. Dr Franken,Which is a modern retelling of the Frankenstein story, was a made for tv collaboration between Writer/Director Jeff "Blue Sunshine" Lieberman & Marvin J."Tank" Chomsky who in addition to directing said middle name has been directing since the the mid 60's on every thing from Hawaii 5-0 to Roots. The movie Stars Robert "Zombie 5:Killing birds" Vaughn ,Terri "Young Frankenstein"Garr,David"Headless body in topless bar" Shelby,& Robert "The Cracker Factory"Perault. I had had my eye out for this flick solely because Jeff Lieberman was one of the co-directors . I was hoping for one of those hidden gems and in a way this film is and it is not. Blue Sunshine and Just Before dawn are some of the best genre films of all time, Dr Franken was an aight tv movie, withs some aight utilization of real Surgery footage.The Screenplay ,written by Lieberman, is pretty solid though and there are some cool new ideas. Frankenstein gets laid, body parts are part of some universal memory,and the Franken monster has long flowing locks.The film also combines the elements of a murder mystery,love story,revenge flick,& a Robert Vaughn. Its a slow start but half way thru I started getting a little entertained. The soundtrack was kind of Funny, and in the end I found myself slightly charmed. Definitely not something id recommend to anybody but hardcore Jeff Lieberman fans,early 80's tv movie fanantics or Robert Vaughnaholics.

-Three out of 5 aights on the aight-o-meter

-notable dialogue - "I want Jim Parker's legs!"-Dr Eric Kerwin(Addison Powel)

Dead Snow

The Zombie Genre is Saturated as all hell these days and its always nice to see somebody spin it in a different direction. Thats exactly what Tommy Wirkola has done with Dead Snow.   Although the whole group of teenagers out on a camping trip scenario is played out like a motherfucker, Dead Snow brings a new flavor with its stealth Nazi Zombies. These snarling combat tested undead fiends are a far cry from the shuffling Romero/Fulci zombies or even the wild running zombies of 28 days later. They are organized soldiers, not only out for flesh but treasure as well.Oh, yeah and they have knives & shit too. I actually cared about the campers suprisingly. There is definitely some funny banter.I honestly felt for the fat horror movie nerd has his head was pulled apart whalst his brain flopped onto the floor. Its always good to get enough time to give a shit about the characters before they start getting dismembered. The film flows well and pays off big time. There some really satisfying battle scenes, lots of exploding heads, stabbing, eye gouging, drawn and quatering & the scaling of a cliff face with nothing but a single thread of nazi zombie intestine. Yup. Easily the best Zombie Flick I have seen in years. A man Hacks of a bitten forearm for fear of infection only to be bitten in the penis immediately afterwards for christ sakes! Bloody genius. Props to director Tommy Wirkola, hope to see more from ya!

A+